Chosen

April 2014:

Kingston was a month and half old when he was carried through our front door with just a small bag that held a few smoke-filled onesies and a blanket or two.  He was the fattest baby I had ever laid my eyes on.  In fact, the bottle beside him in his car seat resembled a chocolate milkshake more than it did formula because of the cereal in it. His eyes were vacant. His body was mushy like he had no muscles at all.  My heart ached as I held him and tried to imagine what his first 45 days of life had been like.

August 2014:

For 3 1/2 months, we got to love on him. Before the start of a new school year, Kingston left us to go to relative placement.  In the short time that we had him, King had already stolen our hearts and we loved him, but we knew being with family and closer to his mom was in his best interest. I prayed over him and drove him to daycare for what I thought was the last time.  

September 2014

The call came a month or so later when the relative could no longer care for him. I said yes without checking with Ben. In fact, I didn’t even call to tell him the news.  He came in late from a ball game to see me rocking King to sleep. The look on his face said it all- he wasn’t happy with me.

See, as I cried- as secretly as possible- the days before and after King left, Ben noticed. He wanted us to take a break. Not really. He wanted to stop fostering because he saw his family hurt each time a little one left our home. To care for them, you must love them. If you love them, it hurts when they leave- even if it has been only a few months.

But I reminded my sweet husband that we knew it wasn’t going to be easy. We wouldn’t--we couldn’t-- close our doors to children who needed us to spare a little heartache on our end.  He realized that I was right (which I wish he did more often), and we settled in to having a baby in the house again. 

Seven months passed with King a part of our family again.

Thanksgiving 2014

Kingston's 1st Christmas

 

King turns 1!

April 2015:

I remember that evening like it was yesterday.  It had already been a tough year with the sudden death of my dad in January.  Now I sat across the living room from the caseworker learning more loss was coming my way.  I listened in disbelief as she told me they were reunifying in a few weeks because we were at the one-year mark. Not because mom completed her case plan- but because King had been in foster care one year. That translated to me as  “we need to close a file so there is no more paperwork to do.”  I was angry. I felt like King’s best interest was not being considered. I knew reunification was coming within months if mom kept being consistent, but this seemed sudden. There was nothing I could do but pray.

So I did. I prayed for him and his adjustment, for our family dealing with more loss, but I prayed mostly for his mom. I prayed for her success as a mother. I needed her to be successful because I longed for him to have a happy, healthy life.

 April 16, 2015:

And then the day came that Kingston left us. I packed up his clothes and toys, I hugged him tightly for what I thought was the last time, I buckled him into his car seat, and I watched as he was driven away from our home. He had been with us a year, and I loved him so much. I was not prepared for how painful it would be.

I still wanted to be a part of his life in any way that I could. I wasn’t sure how she would respond, but about a week after King left, I reached out to his mom. She didn't have much of a support system, so I could be that for her.  We established a relationship, I helped when she needed it, and before long, King spent weekends with us.

Picking him up was heaven. He raced to the car with the biggest smile on his face. Dropping him off was hell.  He cried, I fought back tears until I was in the car, and then I cried all the way home. Every Sunday afternoon for about 2 months we endured these painful separations, and I longed for Fridays so that I had him in my arms again.

July 2015:  

In early July, I took my daughter on a cruise for her high school graduation present.  We only had wi-fi in ports, and I looked forward to seeing the messages and pictures Ben and the kids sent me. Mexico was no exception, but this time I had a message from Kingston’s mom: “How is King?”  Strange, I thought, since Ben wasn't planning to have him while I was away so that he could do a DIY project at the house. I couldn’t reach Ben at all that day, so I sailed home still curious about the text.

When I walked in the door from our trip, Ash and Liv were giddy with excitement. They grabbed my hand and pulled me toward my room. I opened the door to see King sitting on my bed grinning at me.  On his right arm was the smallest little cast I had ever seen. I began to cry- both kinds of tears.

I remember picking Kingston up after his first visit with mom following the second removal. His mother and I talked briefly about what she was doing with her case plan. She cried as she talked about how bad she wanted him back. I remember the last thing I said to her: "Kingston is going to know one of us as his momma. It is your choice who that will be." Visits didn't happen consistently after that, and by October, they weren't happening at all. 

So we continued to live life with Kingston a part of our family.  

Family Vacation in Gatlinburg TN

King turns 2!

May 2016: 
King was no longer our foster child in my family's eyes, and he hadn't been for a while. My kids thought of him as their brother, and I loved him just as much as I loved my other children. My heart was set on him staying with us forever. TPR (termination of parental rights) would soon come. There was nothing for our family to discuss when his goal was changed to adoption: we all wanted King to become a Kimbrough.

However, after two years of being in foster care, King had a relative show interest in adopting him, and she would be completing the process at the same time we did.  My prayers were that God would put King in the home that was best for him. Selfishly, I wanted that to be our home, but I prayed the prayer nonetheless.

King at the 4th of July Celebration

August 2016:
Both parental rights were terminated. However, King's father appealed the decision. He was incarcerated before King was ever born, and he wouldn’t be out for another 13 months- King would be 3 1/2 years old. I sympathized with his situation, but I also loved King with all my heart, and I could not imagine losing him. With our adoption paperwork already complete, we waited for two things: the decision on the appeal and the relative to finish up the adoption process.

December 2016:  

A few days before Christmas, we got word that the appeal was denied. I cried happy tears as we were one step closer to King legally being ours, but my heart ached for a father who may have purely wanted a chance to be a dad to his son. The relative made no progress on the adoption classes or the home study, so we had to continue to be patient and wait.

King turns 3!

 

April 2017:  

I have tried to stay positive and be patient over the last 8 months as we waited for the relative to finish the adoption process, but I have become frustrated and annoyed. She has had almost a year, yet she has not completed any part of it.  My prayers have changed; I no longer pray for God to put King in the home best for him, but I pray that King stays in our home-because this is where he belongs. I am also praying that this process comes to a close soon because my sweet boy has been in foster care over 1100 days of his precious life. 

April 24, 2017:  

We finally got the news we had been waiting months for! The relative was eliminated from the process, and we were the family being chosen to adopt King.  I couldn't imagine my life without him in it, and now I don't have to! Possibly before the next school year starts, Kingston will be a Kimbrough.

August 1, 2017:

Two weeks ago, we learned that today would be the day that Kingston officially becomes our son.  Last week, the Lord laid the word chosen on my heart. I looked at shirts for King, cake ideas, signs- all with chosen as part of it, but nothing felt right.  Then on the morning of July 31st, as I prayed over another situation, God revealed that the word wasn’t meant for King, but it was meant for me and our family.  We didn’t choose Kingston; instead, God chose us for Kingston. 

Today, King is three and a half years old. He is smart. He is going to be athletic because he already is fast with a mean right arm. He loves the beach and swimming in the pool. He loves to dance around the house and sing. He loves his brothers and sisters with all his heart, and if you asked each of them, they all would say that he is their favorite sibling. He is definitely spoiled, and I am to blame for that. When he looks at me with those beautiful brown eyes and sweet little smile and calls me “momma,” my heart feels as if it may explode.  

Kingston doesn't understand what today is about right now.  Unlike Olivia at the time of her adoption, King doesn't know any other family but us.  He is more excited that there is a cake on the counter that we will eat later. However, today I have cried all morning- good tears- because I recognize God's grace and blessings in my life, and King is one.  Today, Kingston is officially my son forever, and I am honored that God chose me to be King’s momma.